


liability

by Notmycatsname



Series: Coming Back Together [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Drinking, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Self-Acceptance, Trans Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:53:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29633535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notmycatsname/pseuds/Notmycatsname
Summary: "Remus readjusts to sit beside Sirius, thighs squished together as they hand the bottle off between them, Sirius’s shoulder acting as a hard but not unpleasant pillow for Remus’s head. He’s always liked that they can sit in silence like this. James and Sirius were always so loud, rambunctious, energetic together and it was clear to see how well they got in their actions. But there’s always been something special to Remus in how he and Sirius can just share a moment together without words."This chapter is rated T for teen
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Coming Back Together [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1933969
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter can be read by itself and is rated T for Teen. The explicit rating is for the next chapter

They’re drunk tonight.

Remus doesn’t like to make a habit of drinking, not for himself personally and he certainly doesn’t want to encourage it in Sirius. But he’s just back from a particularly shit Order mission, not even particularly dangerous, just cold and wet and demeaning. He had checked in with Dumbledore and Moody after the fact and told them again and again that the werewolves in the north of Scotland were _not_ a threat. He knows they can’t be too careful at this point but Remus thinks the Order is walking a fine line between what they call “being safe” and what Remus calls falling onto prejudice. They need to be careful, of course, but Remus wonders why he’s being sent out to keep an eye on the werewolves when his judgement isn’t even being trusted to begin with. 

Grimmauld had been full of activity when he returned early this morning, a blessing and a curse in Remus’s opinion. He was grateful for Molly’s cooking, Tonk’s light-hearted humor, Sirius’s warm touch. But Remus is still used to living alone even after months here and he has to grit his teeth sometimes in the face of well-meaning but misplaced optimism. It’s already worn on him a bit though and after dinner he takes a page out of Sirius’s book and pours himself a full glass of some of the Black family’s vintage wine and escapes off to the library on the second floor. 

The wine makes Remus feel warm all over and the bitter tang of the alcohol burns his throat as he swallows. Remus takes a seat on the floor, leaning up against a bookshelf and lets himself sit in the silence, not quite wallowing but close enough. This house is full of creaking floorboards and squeaking doors and Remus wonders how Sirius was ever able to sneak around here as a child. He wonders if he’ll ever really get some time alone as well when he hears the sound of footsteps near the threshold and the gentle scuffing of shoes as someone else walks into the library. 

It’s only Sirius, though, and Remus breathes a slight sigh of relief and takes another long drink as Sirius meets his eyes. “You alright?” 

“I’m fine.”

“Okay.” Sirius stands in the doorway, head cocked to the side as he stares at Remus, one hand behind his back. “I only ask because you’re drinking wine out of a mug on the floor of my family’s library. I think if I did that, there’d be a whole slew of people talking about my fragile state.”

Remus snorts and tilts his head back to rest against the bookcase. “Fair, I suppose.” He sighs and gives a little shrug. “I’m alright, though. Just needed to be away from all that.” He flaps his hand a little, towards the kitchen where the voices of other Order members can be heard, having lively conversation.

Sirius nods a little and takes a glance out the doorway, still just standing there a little sheepishly. Remus thinks it’s odd to see uncertainty so clearly written out in Sirius’s broad, tall frame and tries to think of a time that he was this timid in their youth. “Can I come in, though?” He brings the hand behind his back forward and Remus smiles as he sees another bottle of wine. 

“You’re always welcome with me, you know that, yeah?” Sirius only shrugs a little and pulls the door shut behind him. He thuds onto the ground across from Remus and raises the bottle towards him. He clinks his mug against the bottle and they both drink and Remus feels like he can almost let himself forget about the doubt in Dumbledore’s eyes when Remus told him his findings earlier, the uncertainty in his voice when Remus assured him there was no point in continually studying this group of werewolves. 

After a bit, Remus readjusts to sit beside Sirius, thighs squished together as they hand the bottle off between them, Sirius’s shoulder acting as a hard but not unpleasant pillow for Remus’s head. He’s always liked that they can sit in silence like this. James and Sirius were always so loud, rambunctious, energetic together and it was clear to see how well they got in their actions. But there’s always been something special to Remus in how he and Sirius can just share a moment together without words.

“Did you date much?” Sirius’s voice jolts Remus away from his thoughts, away from his dead-eyed stare at the old books in front of them and he looks at him in confusion at the non sequitur. “When I was in prison, did you date much?”

“What brought this up?” Remus studies Sirius lightly then, the genuine interest in his eye, how his hand hasn’t flinched from where it rests atop Remus’s own.

He only shrugs a bit, sighs. It takes Sirius longer these days to come up with his words but Remus sort of likes watching him think out his phrasing, the carefulness he brings to so much now. “It’s not...I don’t mind either way. I’m not asking because I’m going to feel bad if you did or feel bad if you didn’t. I just think…” Sirius twists a little clumsily to lay back on the floor, propped on his elbows and facing Remus straight on. “You’re quite different now than you used to be.”

Remus chuckles a little at the understatedness of that and Sirius gives him this goofy little smile. It’s soft in his eyes and the set of his mouth. He continues. “It’s the same you, but there’s a freedom to you now that I really admire, if that makes sense. I wonder how you got to be this version of yourself. I’m just curious about you, I guess. You’re like a butterfly.”

“You’re drunk,” Remus says fondly, his face warm from drink and Sirius’s words. He takes a final sip of wine and lies down beside Sirius.

“You should be too,” Sirius mutters as he combs a hand through Remus’s hair. “You always were a chatty drunk once you got going. I hope that hasn’t changed.”

Remus leans into the touch and spares a small part of his brain to wonder if Sirius had locked the door to the library or if they were due for a visitor. He’d hate to see Kinglsey’s reaction if he walked in to the two of them sprawled out on the floor. “I slept around a lot, really, more than any real ‘dating,’” he admits as he turns his head to bury it in Sirius’s shoulder again. “I think it’s hard for me to think of myself as the type of person anyone wants to come home to, but especially then.” Remus is a little shocked by his own honesty and he curses himself a little in his head. He still is a chatty drunk, defenses washed away by the warmth of the wine and by Sirius beside him, who only nods and continues tangling his fingers in Remus’s hair. 

He takes a breath and continues, thinking of how Sirius called him a butterfly. “But I used to sleep with this one woman when I lived in...fuck, I don’t even know where it was anymore,” Remus tries to remember her accent but comes up with nothing. “We worked together for a bit at some dirty little gay bar. I’d go home with her after our shifts and she’d fuck me on her cardboard box of a kitchen table and then she’d tell me all the things she loved about being trans. We did that enough that I started to believe her, I guess, and about more than just being trans.” 

It’s probably not the wine that’s making Remus emotional as he thinks back on that time in his life but that’s what he’ll blame it on and he’s suddenly thankful that he’s hidden his face in Sirius’s hair. Sirius, for his part, only hums his understanding as he continues to rub at Remus’s scalp, scratch his fingers against the crown of his head. “Anyway,” Remus clears his throat, “it wasn’t _just_ that but that was...she was one of the people that made me realize I’m not a burden to live with, I guess. God, that sounds so stupid.”

“No, it doesn’t. I know you, Remus, you’re not a liability or a…” Sirius shakes his head a little and Remus can picture that pinched face he makes when he’s trying to summon the right word without even looking at him. “I love you. And there’s something about picturing a little Remus Lupin getting fucked in someone’s dingy kitchen that makes me smile.”

Remus chuckles into Sirius’s shoulder. “You’re very odd”

“Maybe,” Sirius mutters as pushes Remus back and burrows his head into Remus’s neck instead. He can feel the warmth of Sirius’s breath as he talks, the heat and the moisture and the soft touch of tongue. “I know I’m odd when it comes to you though. Always have been." He snuffles his nose behind Remus’s ear and he’s suddenly reminded of Padfoot.

‘Is this you coming on to me?’ Remus smooths the hair away from Sirius’s face in an attempt to get a glimpse of his expression but Sirius only rubs his nose into his skin.

“Is it working?” 

Remus laughs outright and wraps his arms around him. He reckons he's always been a little odd when it comes to Sirius too. “Maybe.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sirius’s eyes are dark and his mouth is wet when he looks up at him. There’s a look in his eyes that Remus hasn’t seen before, not since he’s been back in his life. It’s a yearning, though not for comfort or a warm embrace, not for the softness they’ve been sharing these days.
> 
> It’s lust."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is explicit sex in this chapter

Remus shuts his eyes and hums a little in the back of his throat as Sirius presses his lips against the skin of his neck, not quite kissing but it’s soft in a way that makes him warm all over just the same. It’s an odd gesture but there’s something about it that sends a spark of heat to his crotch. Sirius has a hand pressed against the center of Remus’s chest, one leg thrown over his hips and his weight and the wine make Remus feel heavy and loose in the best way. 

“Sirius,” Remus mutters, voice coming out a little cracked but he can’t find it in himself to care. “I...really, are you?” He threads his fingers into the strands of Sirius’s hairs and pulls slightly so he’ll raise his head. Sirius’s eyes are dark and his mouth is wet when he looks up at him. There’s a look in his eyes that Remus hasn’t seen before, not since he’s been back in his life. It’s a yearning, though not for comfort or a warm embrace, not for the softness they’ve been sharing these days.

It’s lust. 

“Yes,” Sirius says quickly, eyes glued on Remus’s lips when his tongue darts out quickly to wet them. Sex still isn’t a thing they’ve broached yet. Not at Grimmauld, not at Remus’s house, not at all since 1981. Remus masturbates now more than he did when he was a teenager, though not as much as when he first started on testosterone. Sometimes Sirius asks to watch, a simmer in his eyes as Remus brings himself off before him but usually it’s just Remus alone in the shower. He certainly doesn’t mind that, a part of Remus thinks that sex with other people can sometimes be more trouble than it’s worth. But when Sirius peers up at him from behind a dark curtain of hair, mouth open just slightly, Remus doesn’t know how he’s gone without this. 

He pulls Sirius down into a kiss, hot and wet and so fucking good when Remus pulls Sirius’s tongue into his mouth and his hips buck against Remus’s thigh and he feels how  _ hard _ he is. He loses himself in the taste of the wine on Sirius’s tongue, the way he’s moaning roughly against Remus’s lips, and he has to remind himself not to get too carried away before discussing with Sirius what exactly they’re doing. He tilts his head back, pulling his lips away from Sirius’s so he can talk but Sirius only presses his mouth to Remus’s neck and pants around sharp scrapes of teeth. 

“What do you, oh  _ fuck _ -” Remus gasps as Sirius thrusts his hips forward, “what are we doing here?” Sirius, thankfully, pulls away, his cheeks flushed red and Remus wants to push his fingers into his mouth. 

“Can we just…” Sirius presses a final wet kiss to Remus lips before laying flat on his back beside him. “I don’t think I can do typical sex. Could we just...what we normally do except I also…” He slides a hand down to cup the bulge of his cock through his trousers and Remus groans at the sound Sirius makes as well as the thought of him touching himself. 

“Oh, my god, okay, yes.” Remus shuts his eyes hard as he unfastens the button on his jeans and pushes them past his hips. The rustle of fabric beside him tells him that Sirius is doing the same. “Have you, um, done this recently?”

“No.” Sirius’s voices already hoarse, breathing ragged but Remus figures that’s to be expected after nearly a decade and a half and three-quarters of a bottle of wine. “But I’ve -”Sirius breaks off in an airy little sound as he takes himself in hand and Remus doesn’t know where to look: Sirius’s fist is wrapped loosely around the length of his cock with his thumb stroking almost absently at the head but his teeth are digging into his lips, cheeks flushed a deep red that’s spread down his neck. “I had a dream the other night. I don’t remember what it was but I woke right as I came.”

The thought of Sirius in their bed, groaning in his sleep, maybe even whimpering, hips twitching, climaxing with Remus just inches away, unaware in his own deep sleep...it sends a sharp strike of electricity straight to Remus’s swollen clit and he lets his first two fingers rub slowly against himself. He tries to say something in return but his voice gets stuck in his throat, cracked.

“I forgot how good it felt, Remus, I…” Sirius takes another deep breath to steady himself as he starts to move his fist in a steady rhythm and  _ fuck _ , Remus hopes he’ll keep talking, he loves it when Sirius can’t stop the run of his thoughts out his mouth, especially in situations like this. “I just lay there, feeling it fade out through my fucking veins and I tried to think of all the things I wanna do with you. It’s, it’s too much but I  _ want  _ it and I can’t, I -”

“You can, Sirius, fucking anything. Just tell me.” Remus watches Sirius as Sirius watches him, watches the movement of his fingers, the soft circling against his clit. He tilts his hips towards Sirius, gives him a better view as he slides his index finger into his cunt and grinds against his palm. Sirius whines a little, not unlike Padfoot, and butts his head against Remus’s, presses a sloppy and poorly-angled kiss near his mouth.

“I want you to,” he squeezes his eyes shut, in embarrassment or desire or maybe a mix of both, “to tell me to sit still and spank me when I don’t, fucking bent over your knee while you tell me that’s not what good boys do but I also…” Sirius bites hard at Remus's lip and he feels it flow through his veins, nearly boiling as he moves his hips faster. “I also wanna tie up and tell you how pretty you are, how fucking handsome and perfect and...and if you try to squirm away I'll yank at your hair so you have to look at me. Remus, is this okay?”

“Yes,” Remus says without hesitation, voice cracking in his throat at the picture Sirius paints with his words as well as what's happening in front of him. "Yes, of course it's okay.

"What do you want?" Sirius's voice is a little frantic, eyes searching Remus's face, taking in all of him while his hips thrust forward into the tight circle of his fingers. Remus searches his mind for a single concrete thought, something he can put to words besides his scrambled ideas of  _ touch, lick, grab, fuck.  _

"You to fuck my mouth like you used to with my thighs squeezed around your head. Sirius, I-" Remus throws his head back against the hardwood floor as his words bring Sirius off beside him. A rough, broken sound slips from his lips, from deep within him as he climaxes in his fist and onto his stomach. Sirius takes a few gulping breaths before fluttering his eyes open. They're full of bliss and love and not a single ounce of judgement as they fix on Remus and that's all he needs to bring himself over the edge, pulsing against the flat of his palm. 

Remus blinks his eyes open, not realizing when he'd closed them, when he feels Sirius nestle in under his arm, leg thrown back around Remus's waist and bats his hand out of the way, cupping Remus with his palm. He squirms at the touch on his overstimulated clit but Sirius rests his chin on Remus’s shoulder and looks up at him. “I can feel your heart beating.” He’s smiling and Remus can only shake his head and press a kiss to Sirius’s mouth. “Would you really be into that stuff?”

He hums a little against Sirius’s hair, soft and smelling of their cheap lavender shampoo, and thinks about it. “Probably,” he murmurs. “I’d try it. I’d probably try anything for you though.” He pulls back enough to look Sirius in the eyes, see the soft lines around them that he smooths over with his thumb. “You’re not a liability either.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> notmycatsname on tumblr

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> notmycatsname on tumblr


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